Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
