The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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