Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
