I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
