then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
