On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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