We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
