Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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