I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
