She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
