At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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