Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
