nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
