i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
