did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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