I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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