It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
