I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
