my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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