If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
