My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
