Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize