Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
