His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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