I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
