My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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