There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
