We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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