I met the friendliest cop last night
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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