She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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