I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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