I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
