I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
