I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize