i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
In America we eat man semen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
