I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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