you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
