Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
