Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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