Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
