My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
