Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
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