i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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