You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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