I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
