it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
