She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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