Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He better not be in your backpack
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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