He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
