i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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