It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
