Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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