2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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