hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
