I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
