it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
