Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
