what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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