great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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