Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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