Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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