Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
