From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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