i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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