a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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